Timing
by Liv-x-Case-Benson
Summary: Co-writer: E. Scribbles - Proposals: They're all about timing. Where even one wrong slip of the tongue can ruin even the strongest bonds of love and trust. When that happens, can they be mended? One-Shot


**Timing**

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles

Olivia stared blankly at Alex. She'd thought this was supposed to be romantic. She'd always thought this sort of thing was meant to be romantic, but at the first mention of marriage, Alex was pacing the floor of their apartment. No, correction. Her apartment, because Olivia still had her own apartment, at Alex's insistence, not that she ever went there, except to collect her mail.

"Liv, we've barely even dated 3 months... Wh-why ask now? I mean..."

"Well, I never thought I'd get a reception like this. I feel like I've asked you to murder someone. It was supposed to be romantic!"

Alex stopped pacing, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed and eyes on the floor. "You watch too many movies, but... Liv..." she walked over to her. "You know I love you, right?"

Olivia stood up, walking away, folding her arms protectively. "I THOUGHT I knew that, but hey, guess I was wrong."

Alex sighed. "Do you have ANY idea how much controversy it's going to cause, Olivia? Cragen and Donnelly accept it because they know we won't change our minds! My career might be...yours could..." but even as she tried to find the words to explain, she couldn't. "Somehow, this is going to change more things than we like to. I'm trying to go for the head DA chair...how is this going to look?" Even as she said that, she covered her mouth, knowing she really shouldn't have said that.

Olivia stood there a moment silently looking at her, before walking towards the couch to pick up her coat. "You know what? You're completely right. How is it going to look if a couple who are in love get married during a probably very small window they are legally allowed to do so? What would people think? After all, THEIR thoughts and feelings are SO much more important than mine. In fact, maybe I should leave in case they hear that I'm here and get the wrong idea by thinking we're a couple in love." Olivia opened the door, slamming it behind herself.

Alex sighed, considering going after her. She leaned hand on the knob, hearing Olivia on the other side, but when she opened the door, Olivia was already down the hall. She stopped, turning around with so much pain and anger in her eyes. "Olivia, I-I..."

"You what, counselor? Are you sure you want to say anything out here? Your neighbors might hear." Olivia spat the words out before pressing the down button outside the lift repeatedly.

Alex sprinted to catch her and grabbed her wrist. "I'm sorry. I-I'm just..."

"What? Straight? Not in love with me? What?" Olivia stared hard at her, anger flashing in her eyes, but before Alex could reply, she pulled her arm away and made for the stairs.

Alex followed at a respectable pace. "I'm not ready to just jump into it. To be perfectly honest, I'd even venture to say that I'm a little...okay a lot, scared."

"What would we be jumping into? I didn't say let's do it tomorrow! I just said 'Will you marry me' and you looked like I'd asked you the most offensive question you'd ever heard! Just forget it, forget I ever mentioned it. Hell, forget me!"

Alex took her wrist. "Wait!" But she pulled away.

"For what, Alex? More rejection? I've had all I can stomach for tonight, thanks. I'm going home."

"But...I don't want you to leave," she said softly. "I love you."

Olivia had already made it to the lower level, having raced down the stairs, and didn't hear. Pushing open the front door of the apartment building, she took a deep breath of cool air before stuffing her hands in her coat and turning towards her own apartment block.

Alex sighed. She went back and grabbed her jacket before waiting a sizeable amount of time and followed her. She loved her and, in the end, that was what mattered. She wasn't sure, why suddenly, all this other stuff mattered, but could chalk it up to nerves and what ifs.

Half way home, Olivia had a better idea and made a detour to an old bar she used to frequent. Sliding into a familiar seat, she ordered a drink and ran a hand through her hair.

Knowing Olivia wouldn't just go home, she stopped in the bar they used to go to. Looking through the window, she spotted Olivia at a table. She walked in, but stayed hidden. Moments later, a raven-haired woman bought Olivia a drink and sat next to Olivia. "It's been a while. I thought you were taken."

Olivia accepted the drink and took a ling sip of it before offering a smile. "Well, that will teach you for listening to gossip."

She shook her head and then grinned. "So...why are you here?"

"Thirsty. Why are you here?"

She raised a brow. "Really? From the way you're sucking that down, I'd say you need a distraction."

"Alcohol has never worked as a distraction for me. I prefer the red head kind of distraction." Olivia gave a wink before finishing her drink.

"Another?"

"Sure."

Alex sighed. Spying on her gi—on Olivia—wasn't on her favorite list of things to do, ever. She trusted her and, normally, the feeling was mutual, but Olivia had just been so upset when she left – not that Alex blamed her.

Hell, now Alex wasn't sure if anything could be done to repair what she had shattered inside of Olivia. She'd seen it in her eyes. Like her soul broke. Alex very well knew she meant everything to Olivia.

How could she have rejected her – now of all times?

It was true that, somewhere in the near future, Alex hoped to be head of the DA office, and neither Donnelly nor Cragen were thrilled with their relationship, but as long as they kept their work and personal relationship separate, they would be okay and their jobs wouldn't be at risk.

Yes, it was a big step. Yes, they would face much ridicule, but if Olivia was with her, somehow, Alex knew they would be okay. But she couldn't say that now. Olivia might laugh, brush her off, say she lost her chance and to move on because she had.

She just wanted her to be happy. In reality though, Alex couldn't be unless Olivia was with her.

Sighing again, she turned and walked out knowing Olivia caught a glimpse of her long golden locks as she did so.

Standing at the bar, Olivia's head turned. She could have sworn she'd seen Alex, just out of the corner of her eye. She scanned the room, then looked down at the drink on the bar before making her way from the crowded room, her eyes scanning the street outside.

Alex continued to walk away at an even pace with her head down. If Olivia needed to drown her sorrows of being rejected in alcohol and other women, really, who was she to stop her? Still though, she wished the whole conversation had gone differently. She wished she'd asked Olivia for time to think it over rather than turn her down. Now, she might not get the chance.

Unable to see well in the darkness, Olivia didn't see the blonde making her way slowly down the street, and with a sigh, made her way back into the bar.

* * *

Olivia swore, rubbing her temple as she searched her desk for some aspirin. Today of all days was not a good one to come to work with a hangover. Her hand fell on a photo of Alex, stashed away in one of the lower drawers. Without looking at it, she knew what it was, something she'd glance at when she was stressed. Slamming the draw, she swore once more.

Elliot walked in. "Rough night?"

"Have you got any aspirin? My head feels like it's going to explode."

He nodded, digging in his desk and handing her a small bottle. "Celebrate too heavily?" he tried again, but based on her reaction it might not be something she wanted to discuss.

"Something like that," Olivia grumbled, swallowing the aspirin dry before banging the bottle down on the desk.

He sighed. "Well, if you need something, let me know?"

Meanwhile, Alex was on her way back from a competency hearing, her mind on everything except what had just happened. She walked into her office, closed the door and sat at her desk. Pulling open the bottom drawer, she saw a picture that had been taken a few months ago on her birthday.

They'd stayed late to celebrate because the circumstances of the case didn't even allow them to go home for a few hours of rest. They were both in this chair, Alex in Olivia's lap kissing her cheek. They were so happy. Even then Alex knew she and Olivia were something else. Something just clicked with them. They understood each other. Sighing, she ran her fingers over Olivia's cheek in the photo. She really did love her.

Her reason for rejection seemed so pointless. If she was going to marry anyone, she'd always believed it would be her.

Olivia's eyes fluttered shut. She could smell Alex's perfume. Please don't be here. Please don't be here...please be here. Opening them slowly, her heart sank as female officer walked past and gave a smile, the scent leaving with her. Pulling her hair back into a ponytail roughly, Olivia stood. "I'm going to the gym, come and find me if you need me." Before Elliot could reply, she'd left the room.

Alex was going over case files, but her heart wasn't in it. It couldn't be. She had to try to fix this. She couldn't stand knowing that Olivia was so angry at her. She tried her cell, but got no answer - not that she expected one. She thought a moment. It was about 11:30, so Olivia was probably at the gym. She stashed the files in the cabinet, locked it and left, hoping, beyond everything, some form of what she really felt would come to her.

Olivia ran on the treadmill, amping it up to the fastest she could handle, trying to sweat out all the pain and words and looks that had been playing around and around in her head all day.

Alex had just walked in. Seeing Olivia with her back to her, she walked over silently, hoping the words would magically flow from her mouth, but knowing they wouldn't. She stood a few steps behind her, knowing Olivia would be able to see her reflection in the mirror when she was paying attention.

When she did catch sight of her, her footsteps faltered and she went flying, landing with a bang on the floor behind the machine.

"Liv!" Alex called, rushing over to her and helping her sit up. "Liv, my god! Are you okay?"

Olivia shrugged her off, shuffling away from her before rubbing the back of her head. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Alex stood up, caressing her rug-burned elbow with her cool hand. "Can we talk?"

Olivia wanted to say no, but with the eyes of the room on them, she merely walked towards the change rooms.

Alex leaned against the wall. "I-I'm sorry, _so_ sorry! I should've asked for time to think about it, not just brush you off." She walked over and stood beside her. "Olivia, I love you. I always will. It's just...I didn't picture us there this soon. Yes, I'm scared...mostly because you think I'm so wonderful now, but what happens if I do something that disappoints you?"

"You know what? I never thought it would be possible for you to do something to disappoint me..until yesterday." Olivia pulled of her shirt and reached for a towel before making her way towards the showers.

"Aren't you scared, Olivia? Of anything?"

"Yeah. Of losing you, but hey, shit things happen."

"What else? I didn't say I was going anywhere...or that I don't want to be with you."

"Oh so you're the only one who can leave are you? Have you ever thought about what would happen if I got shot, killed at work? It happened to a guy at the precinct last week, in case you were too up yourself to notice that we were all in mourning. Now his partner, a man, is going to have to fight with his parents for everything. He wasn't even allowed in the room to say goodbye, Alex! Or what, was your thinking I don't have parents, so you wont have that trouble?" Olivia slammed the shower door shut and turned the water on.

Alex stood there shocked. Yes, she'd heard about what happened, knew how upset everyone was... What really would happen to Alex if Olivia was killed? Nobody, outside the precinct, would ever think to contact her. Alex walked over to the shower. "Olivia?" she asked.

"Just leave, okay? Your life is perfect without me in it. You don't need me." But even as she said that, her voice choked. She didn't want to be without Alex Cabot - ever.

"That's not true," Alex replied, slipping out of her garments and shoes before opening the door, stepping in and holding the shaking detective close. "I can't bear to be without you! Don't you see that?"

The cool water hitting her face, she saw Olivia looking back at her, the hurt still clear in her eyes, before suddenly the stream of water was turned off and Olivia wrapped a towel around herself, walking from the shower without a word.

Alex walked out, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around herself before wrapping her arms around her. "I made a mistake, Olivia. A terrible, awful mistake. Please, don't walk away. I have never been more sorry in my life, never felt like crying until I saw how broken you were in that hallway. I'm sorry. I love you. Please..."

Olivia studied her face, and seemed about to say something when her phone rang. Her eyes stayed on Alex for several moments longer before she grabbed it. "Benson...okay. I'll be there in a minute." Hanging up, she turned from Alex and began getting dressed.

Alex dried herself off and redressed. "You have to go, don't you? And I'll never get an answer..."

"Yeah, it kind of sucks doesn't it? When you think you know what the answer will be, and then all you get is a funny look and no answer." Olivia spoke softly, studying Alex's face once more, before leaving the room. On the bench where her clothes had been lay a small velvet box.

Alex sat on the bench and grabbed the box. Opening it, tears sprung from her eyes. Diamonds. A diamond engagement ring. She sat there for ten minutes just wondering how on earth she could've let this opportunity pass by. Stuffing the box in her pocket, she dried her eyes - and glasses - and left.

Olivia was exhausted by the end of her shift. It had run late into the night and then into the early hours of the morning, but as she made her way slowly up the stairs to her apartment, she knew she still wouldn't be able to sleep. All she could think about was the engagement ring. She couldn't find it anywhere.

Alex sat in her apartment, staring at the closed velvet box on her coffee table wondering if she should tell Olivia she'd left it. She sighed. What was the use? She'd probably just pawn it anyway to get... She couldn't look at it anymore and chucked it across the room where it hit the floor with a thud.

Olivia sat in the same spot in her apartment, staring down at her hands, unable to look anywhere because everywhere reminded her of Alex. Without a look at the clock, 3AM, she stood wearily and made her way out the door.

Alex sat, her arms around her legs, head on top - in a ball - as silent tears fell. How could this have happened? Everything had been - almost - perfect up to now and she messed it up with insecurities!

A short time later, there was an almost undetectable knock on the door, and then again, louder.

Alex woke from her haze and listened, registering someone was at the door. Uncurling herself, her PJs flattening as she stood, she walked over. "Who is it?" she asked, her voice still thick.

"...It's me," Olivia said quietly.

Sighing, she rested her hand on the knob. "What is it? Do I have something else of yours you've come to take back?" she asked bitterly.

Olivia closed her eyes and was silent for a moment before answering, "I'm tired. I can't...sleep anywhere but here."

Alex slowly opened the door, seeing a thoroughly exhausted Olivia trudge in. "Would you like to sit?" she asked quietly as she closed the door.

Olivia sank into the armchair, her eyelids drooping the moment she sat down.

Alex sighed, draping a blanket over her and kissing her cheek before resuming her spot on the couch, lying down.

* * *

_Alex sat at her desk writing when suddenly she felt...strange. Her hand stopped, and her head lifted up to see if there was anyone in the room, but there was no one there. The feeling just got stronger, her head full of Olivia, she felt like something had...no. She pulled her hand from where it caressed the phone, remembering Olivia's laugh last time she'd called her, worried something had happened to her. Their relationship was so fragile at the moment. She didn't want to do anything that might ruin it. Taking a deep breath, she tried to concentrate on her work._

_Donnelly walked in, her face somber. "Surprised to see you in a good mood considering..."_

_"Considering what?" she asked. Donnelly sighed handing her the paper. On the front page was a picture of Olivia...the headline read: Heroic Officer Silenced in the Line of Duty..._

_She dropped the paper. "NO!" she screamed, waking Olivia who rushed to her side, though she didn't wake and was trembling badly. "Olivia!" she choked through tears. "I-I'm so sorry!"_

* * *

"Alex! Alex! Shh. Wake up. I'm here." Olivia shook her gently, pushing the hair from her face.

She just shook harder. "No, no you're not! Y-you died! I was so stupid! And I'm sorry!" she cried, tears falling faster. "All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. I'm sorry I ruined it, ruined us! My fault!"

"ALEX! WAKE UP!" Olivia shook her harder.

Alex stilled, still crying as hard as ever, opening her eyes to darkness. "Where are you?" she asked, reaching out, feeling nothing. "Please, Liv, please!"

Olivia pulled her into her arms, stroking her hair. "I'm here. It's ok, I'm here."

She sniffed, wrapping her arms around her. "Olivia!"

"I'm ok, I'm here." Olivia kept repeating the words, rocking them gently as she held Alex tightly.

Alex's cries took a while to calm, even after all she could muster was her name as she breathed in her scent. "I-I really don't want to ever see that!"

Olivia dropped a kiss to her head. "I'm sorry I mentioned it. But it's ok. I'm not going anywhere. See, I'm here, carpet burn and all."

Alex nestled her head into her shoulder. "I really am so sorry!"

Olivia kissed her forehead and just gave a sigh.

"Liv? I shouldn't have brought up work. I know it's not going to change anything - other than we'll have physical proof of our commitment - I guess I just see it as something...out of the ordinary that people might try to break."

Olivia untangled herself from Alex and went to stand.

Alex took her wrist. "No, please! Don't go! I love you! I-I can't stand the thought of being without you!"

Olivia put a finger to her lips, and pulled her hand away, then got down on one knee in front of the couch, taking Alex's still shaking hands in hers. "Alexandra Cabot, would you do me the honor of getting physical proof of our commitment?"

She rolled her eyes. "For Heaven's Sake! Say it right. Please?"

Olivia nibbled on her lip for a moment before asking softly, "Will you marry me, Alex?"

Alex's tears flowed, but not from fear or sorrow this time. She nodded. The word "yes" was from her lips but couldn't be heard through the emotion as she pulled her into her arms and kissed her deeply. "I love you, Olivia!"

Olivia held her tightly, her eyes closed as the stress from the last few hours melted away.

Alex untangled herself and stood. "Stay there," she said walking over in the vicinity of where she'd thrown the velvet box.

Despite her words, Olivia followed her. "Wow, way to say thanks for spending hours designing a ring for you." There was no anger in her voice as she spoke, relief at knowing the ring was safe flowing over her.

She turned around, handing her the box. "I was upset. I wasn't sure i-if this would happen after our fight. You forgot it on the bench and I wasn't going to let someone walk off with it."

Olivia took the ring out and held it for a moment before looking up. She held the ring out to Alex. "Read the inscription."

Engraved inside read, _My Everything, Forever, O_.

Olivia looked down. "I wasn't sure what to write. I didn't want to make it obvious...in case you didn't want anyone to know...No one HAS to know...if you don't want them to."

Alex handed it back to her, smiling. "It's perfect," she said, giving Olivia her hand. "Do you...want everyone to know?"

Olivia caressed her hand for a moment before sliding the ring on. "I want...you. However you want to be. It's up to you."

Alex wrapped her arms around her. "Can we...figure that out later?" she yawned. "After a few hours of sleep?"

She nodded, sweeping Alex off her feet.

Alex laughed. "Practicing for the wedding night already?"

She shrugged, kissing her cheek. "Sweetie, with you, practice makes everything better."

Alex sighed happily, hugging her tightly as they fell into bed in a fit of laughter.

**THE END**

* * *

**Author's Note:** So, what do you think?

Please read and review!

Thanks to my Beta:**Tiger(dot)Lily(dot)Weasley(dot)757**

**Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles**


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